You Can’t Always Get You Want

Back when my son was in nursery school, although money was tight, we could afford the basics. One time, while at the neighbourhood supermarket buying milk, soap and flour, my son helpfully put a bright red Steve McQueen sports car into the shopping trolley. Channelling the aura of my mother and countless parents before me, I told him to put it back. To which he replied, “Call Uncle (our bodaboda guy) to give us a ride to town so he can pay you.”

Stunned, I burst out laughing. My son was under the impression that the bodaboda guy was paying me for the “honour of transporting us”, whenever he handed me change at the end of our trips. When I could breathe again, I explained that I was the one paying the boda guy for his services and that he was in the business of providing people with convenient transportation.

This entire scene could easily have escalated into a full-blown tantrum at the supermarket, but luckily, it did not. Yes, there was some sulking and feet dragging on his part. And I felt the judgmental stares from on-lookers, but I knew that I didn’t have the money for his toy, and refused to back-down. With a hard look and the promise that we would buy it “next time” (cough, cough – never), that was that.

However, it got me thinking that it was time for me to explain the concept of money and budgeting to him. He needed to understand that things cost money and that we couldn’t just buy every shiny or tasty thing in the supermarket.

So, the next time we were due to make a trip to the supermarket, I sat him down and we wrote the household shopping list, together. I explained that we would only buy the items written on the list. Obviously, there was some push-back about why certain must-have items like cooking oil were more important than tasty or nice-to-have items like ice-cream or toys. But we finally agreed that if he wanted non-budgetted items such as toys, he would have to pay for them himself. It was a win-win situation, he got to buy what he wanted, and I was spared supermarket sulks or dramatics.

Also, I realised that by involving him in decision-making about bills and shopping made it easier for him to conceptualize money, and that he wouldn’t always be able to get everything he wanted. It’s never too early to start having money conversations with your children. If you don’t do it, then life will, and it won’t always be nice about it.

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If you’re not sure where to begin, The Money Diaries has developed the “Sente-Sana” Game. A simple, fun, and engaging way to help you break the ice in these sensitive money conversations – because building financially independent adults starts with what we teach them as children.

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