What's Your Relationship with Money?

In my teens, our house burned down. We had to rely on the goodwill of neighbours, friends and relatives for the basics, as my parents figured out next steps. This incident skewed my relationship with money. I felt more secure if I have hard cash readily available to solve any immediate problem. This belief could easily have resulted in a lifelong toxic hoarding situation, or an emotional “You Only Live Once”- type overspending problem for me. However, my parents ensured that I found balance in my spending and saving – not just living for today, or obsessively focusing on the future.

Many of us don’t realise that our money habits are shaped by childhood experiences, traumatic events, family stress, or financial instability – often following us into adulthood. Let’s explore your own relationship with money. If you tick any of these boxes, your relationship with money may be toxic:

  • Your spending is out of control: You don’t know how much you actually spend – you have a vague idea instead of a concrete number. With no budget to speak of, you just spend until you run out of money. Or, you love to splurge – constantly rewarding yourself or others with treats, and swept up buying trendy items with no thought to your wallet.

  • You’re stuck in survival mode: Believing your money situation would improve if you simply earned more money, had a better-paying job, or miraculously won a jackpot.

  • You have no savings: You might have investments, but in case of an emergency, you would need to sell or liquidate them for an immediate cash injection. Or worse still, you’re stuck in an endless loop of debt – always borrowing money to make ends meet.

  • You don’t have a retirement plan: It’s either too early or too late to start planning, or you believe that you don’t have enough money to start planning.

  • You have an irrational fear of going broke: So while you might earn more than most, you avoid spending at all costs. You deprive yourself of any and all enjoyments because your greatest fear is having no money.

  • You don’t read any financial statements: You don’t want to face the reality and finality of your financial situation, so you hide.

Does any of this seem familiar? Your money habits don’t just come out of nowhere. You overspend because you’re seeking joy or comfort. You’re looking for safety and security by obsessively saving money and/or being miserly. You actively avoid your bank statements because you’re afraid. This is no way to live.

Start healing your relationship with money by:

  • Get a reality check: Review your bank account statements and track your spending to understand the real situation with your money. You can only fix what you know. Become intentional with your spending and saving.

  • Build a confidence fund: A financial safety-net giving you peace of mind, because you’re ready to deal with whatever curveballs life throws your way.

  • Change your money mindset: Identify the root causes behind your limiting beliefs about money, challenge them with meaningful money affirmations.

  • Become financially literate: Educate yourself – read books and blogs, listen to educational financial podcasts that discuss money matters. Learn from people – trusted financial advisors or certified professionals that understand finance, and apply their lessons and insight in your life.

A healthy relationship with money is not about attaining perfection or amassing great wealth. It’s about being informed, intentional, and secure enough to make financial decisions without fear or desperation.


What bad habits have influenced your toxic relationship with money? Sound off in the comments.

Connect with me – @KagoTMD on TikTok, Instagram and LinkedIn.

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Let's build your future, together.

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